Coaching vs Therapy: How to Know What You Need When You're Grieving
- Sonja
- Apr 23
- 6 min read
You don’t have to be falling apart to need support.And just because you're functioning doesn’t mean you're fine.
After my husband died, I wasn’t drowning—I was drifting. Too tired to dream, too numb to care, and too stuck to start over.
I didn’t need someone to analyze my grief. I needed someone to help me move with it.
If you're wondering what kind of help you really need—therapy, coaching, or something else entirely—this post will help you find your footing.
TL;DR: What You’ll Find in This Post
A simple breakdown of how therapy and coaching actually differ when you're grieving
Why there’s no one-size-fits-all path to grief support (and that’s a good thing)
How to tell what kind of support fits where you are right now
A look at other meaningful sources of support—because sometimes healing lives outside a professional’s office
Before we dive in…
Hi, I’m Sonja Harris—a grief and transitions coach. I help people who are rebuilding their lives after loss find hope, clarity, and gentle momentum.
If you're navigating grief and wondering what kind of support is right for you, you're in the right place.
💌 Want to stay connected? I send thoughtful, quietly powerful reflections to your inbox—no fluff, no pressure. Join my email list
💬 Ready to talk about coaching? Let’s Talk
Grief Isn’t a Diagnosis—But You Still Deserve Support
Grief isn’t a mental illness. It’s a natural, human response to losing someone you love.
There’s no timeline…
…no box to check…
…no date when you should be “done”.
If you’re still grieving one year, two years, or five years later—you’re NOT doing it wrong. I don't care what your coworker, friend, or random shit-poster on social media has to say about it.
In 2022, Prolonged Grief Disorder was added to the DSM—the manual therapists use to diagnose mental disorders.
Symptoms (lasting a year or more) include:
Identity disruption (such as feeling as though part of oneself has died).
Marked sense of disbelief about the death.
Avoidance of reminders that the person is dead.
Intense emotional pain (such as anger, bitterness, sorrow) related to the death.
Difficulty with reintegration (such as problems engaging with friends, pursuing interests, planning for the future).
Emotional numbness (absence or marked reduction of emotional experience).
Feeling that life is meaningless.
Intense loneliness (feeling alone or detached from others).
These are all pretty normal things to feel when you’re grieving, and the diagnosis wasn’t meant to label grief as abnormal. While as many as 10% of adults do experience prolonged grief disorder, most grievers don’t reach that threshold but still need help. Having that diagnosis in the DSM isn’t an indictment of your (very normal) grief, but it does give therapists room to bill insurance companies for their patients who do need their help.
It’s easy to misunderstand and assume it means there’s something wrong with you if you’re still hurting. There isn’t.
Therapy can be life-changing. It’s especially appropriate for:
Complicated grief that lasts longer than expected or interferes with functioning
Mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, PTSD
Trauma processing, especially if your loss was sudden or violent
🔗 If you're unsure whether grief has become something more, this article from Psychology Today may help clarify: When Does Grief Require Therapy?
Your grief might show up in waves. It might shift, soften, or surge over time. That’s all part of being human. If you feel like your grief is interfering with your ability to live, therapy can be a powerful support. Needing time and help doesn’t make you broken.
But grief doesn’t always need to be treated like a problem to fix. Sometimes, it just needs space, support, and forward movement.
Grief Coaching Helps You Rebuild—Gently and Intentionally
There’s a point in grief when the waves stop knocking you over every day—but you’re still not back on your feet.
You’re eating again.
You’re functioning… sort of.
People tell you you’re “doing great,” but inside, you know you’re not.
You're not in survival mode anymore. But you’re not really living either.
Maybe you feel like you're going through the motions. You’re aware that something needs to change, but you don’t know where to begin. You don’t feel called toward a big dream or purpose—just the small, quiet desire to want something again. And that, in itself, feels like a tiny step forward–like maybe there's still something left to grow toward.
This is where grief coaching shines.
Grief Coaching Helps You Begin Again—Gently, and with Support
Grief coaching is future-focused, but that doesn’t mean it skips over your pain. It means we honor your grief while also creating space for what’s next—however uncertain, scary, or guilt-laced that may feel.
In this space, we’re not trying to "fix" you. We’re working with what’s here—gently untangling the stuck places, restoring a sense of agency, and helping you reconnect with the parts of you that still want a life. The parts you thought might be gone forever.
You’re not broken. But you may be trapped in a season where you can’t yet see a path forward.
Coaching helps you move from just surviving to intentionally reshaping your life in a way that feels meaningful to you now—not to who you used to be.
This Isn’t Fluffy Cheerleading. It’s a Professional Partnership.
Coaching is a respected profession with its own ethics, standards, and structure. A grief-informed coach understands the terrain of loss, knows how to hold space without judgment, and has tools to help you navigate identity shifts, decision-making, and post-traumatic growth.
It’s not about pushing or fixing. It’s about curiosity, reflection, and gentle movement—on your terms, in your time.
Whether we’re working on energy management, journaling practices, decision support, or simply learning how to live in your body again, coaching meets you where you are. We don’t rush. We don’t bypass. And we don’t leave your grief at the door.
🔗 For a deeper dive into the evidence base for coaching, this Psychology Today article explores how coaching outcomes can rival therapy in certain situations:
If You’re in the Hollow Middle, You’re Not Alone
You’re in the space where you’re no longer falling apart, but not quite rebuilding.
It’s the part of the story where you know you can’t go back—but you’re afraid of moving forward, too.
Coaching holds space for that moment. For the frustration, the guilt, the fear of wanting again. For the tentative belief that maybe, just maybe, something new can grow in you—even here.
Other Forms of Support That Make a Difference
Not everyone wants a therapist or a coach—and that’s okay. Healing is rarely linear, and support doesn’t have to be formal to be effective.
Here’s what helped me, and what might help you:
Friends & Family
Sometimes you need people who just show up. Who don’t need you to be okay. Who will sit with you in the quiet or hold the mess without trying to clean it up.
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
MBSR is an 8-week, evidence-based program developed at UMass. It’s been shown to reduce anxiety, improve emotional regulation, and even support grief processing.
I took an MBSR course a few months after Mike died. It helped me break free of the devastation of the past and fear of the future and get present.
Movement
Movement played a huge role in my healing. I started walking—sometimes for miles at a time—not to escape my grief, but to move with it.
Research supports what I felt in my bones: physical activity can be a powerful tool for grief. It helps regulate emotions, offers a sense of freedom, and provides a way to express what’s too big for words. Walking didn’t fix my grief, but it helped me carry it.
Journaling
For me, journaling was more helpful than talking. It was a place to dump the pain, to ask the unaskable questions, to name what felt impossible to say out loud. I still journal almost daily, and many of my clients find it transformative.
Support Groups
Support groups can provide community and validation. Some focus on sharing stories. Others, like the ones I gravitated to, offer tools and action steps.
What This All Comes Down To
There’s no one right way to grieve—and no one right kind of support.
If your grief is overwhelming your ability to function, therapy can be a lifeline.If you’re no longer drowning but still unsure how to move forward, coaching might be exactly what you need.And sometimes, it’s the quiet things—like journaling, movement, or a supportive friend—that help you feel your way back to life.
The truth is, you get to build the kind of support that fits you. And that’s not just okay—it’s wise.
Your Next Step
You don’t have to do this alone.
If you’re feeling ready for gentle forward motion, I’d be honored to support you.
💬 Book a free consultation → sonjaharriscoaching.com/let-s-talk
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You're not broken. You're becoming.
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